The Mad Santa
by BrightNova169
Summary: The holidays are getting close and Professor Port wants to do something special for his students. However, he makes the mistake of purchasing something that wasn't meant to be worn... Remnant beware, The Mad Santa will rise again.


**RWBY is owned by Rooster Teeth and Monty Oum (rest in peace)**

 **Tis the season for some awesome, everyone! And what better kind of awesome than the man known as Professor Port? And what other way to make him more awesome than adding in some of the personality of his VA, Ryan Haywood?**

 **The Mad Santa**

Peter Port strode to his office to prepare for the next week's Grimm Studies classes, humming a merry tune. He was certainly impressed with this year's new students, especially the members of Teams RWBY and JNPR. All of them had proven to be exceptional fighters…scratch that, all but Jaune were exceptional fighters. Though the recent months had proven that Jaune was becoming a decent warrior in his own right.

Still, having the chance to regale his students with tales from his adventurous and manly youth was always a gift to him even if they were generally less than enthralled. But every now and then, he'd catch a student or two who would give his stories the time of day. Not only did it make his day (sometimes year), but it also proved that said student(s) possessed considerable focus and discipline.

Indeed, qualities like those would serve those students well in the future as hunstmen and huntresses.

When he entered his office, something outside caught his eye. Peering out the window with a curious hum, the boisterous professor noticed it was snowing. In fact, it was snowing quite hard.

Raising a bushy eyebrow, he turned to his Huntsman Edition desk calendar to realize it was December.

Gods, how time flew! They were already halfway through the year! Even more shocking was that Christmas was coming soon.

"Hmm," Port hummed to himself, "This calls for a change of plans. I can't let my students out for winter break without something special to send them off."

Deciding to forego his original plans of attempting to roast a Boarbatusk on a spit using Ursa bones, volatile Dust, and wild herbs of questionable nutritional value, he twirled his manly mustache in thought. What would make for a great holiday treat for the kids?

Suddenly, inspiration struck him like a charging Goliath!

Scooping up a few items, he bolted towards the nearest airship at speeds deceptive for his stature, hastily sending Ozpin a message to inform him he'd be missing the upcoming meeting for a good cause.

Hopefully, the good headmaster would be able to tide over Glynda's wrath. She always was a stickler for rules.

OOOOO

As Professor Port travelled the snowy streets of Vale's capital, he noticed the festive decorations adorning the businesses. From colorful lights to candy canes secured around the windowsills to neatly trimmed pine trees with all the bells and whistles befitting a proper Christmas tree, it was truly turning into a winter wonderland.

But he wasn't here to admire the holiday décor. He was a man on a mission to give the best holiday gift ever to his students.

After a few minutes of searching, he came upon the perfect shop. Entering the store, he called out, "Hello? Is anyone here?"

Responding to his booming voice, a familiar elderly man zipped towards the front with an accommodating grin.

Port's face lit up. "Aha, Dexter, good to see you again!"

Dexter grinned back at the jovial man. "Port, lively as ever I see!"

Peter laughed at seeing his friend in good spirits. "Indeed! As much I'd love to catch up with you, I'm in a rush. I need something to set up an amazing holiday surprise for my students."

Dexter raised an eyebrow, his grin lit with curiosity. "Oh really? Anything in particular?"

"Yes. Especially that one item you kept going on about last month."

Dexter's smile dropped for a look of concern, rather fitting for a man who was fate's whipping boy. "Peter, that might not be a good idea. I mean, the outfit was owned by-"

The professor raised a hand to cut him off. "Yes, yes. I'm quite aware of the indescribably horrible details, but I assure you that is nothing compared to what I've handled before and who I handle now."

Ultimately relenting to Port's charisma, Dexter heaved a weary sigh (traditional of him). "All right, just follow me to the back."

OOOOO

Monday's Grimm Studies class held several dozen students currently afflicted with severe boredom. Though they were slightly curious since their professor was currently absent.

Ruby looked around with a confused look on her face. "Where's Professor Port? He should've been here by now."

Weiss frowned. "True, Professor Port may be boastful, but he's punctual. Showing up late isn't like him."

"Maybe he got sick?" Yang suggested.

Blake only gave a shrug, unsure of the truth. Instead, she decided it was the perfect opportunity to catch up on some free reading.

Less than a minute later, the various murmurs of the class were cut short by an explosion bursting through a wall.

From the massive dust cloud kicked up came a familiar figure. A round belly, broad shoulders, and plenty of facial hair with a fluffy outfit and stocking cap…

"HO HO HO! MERRY CHRISTMAS!"

All the students were thunderstruck, not just by the deafening blast that rocked their classroom but the familiar catchphrase spawned by a renowned cultural legend of joy and good tidings.

Unsurprisingly, Ruby was the first to react, speeding over to the jolly man with her Semblance, screaming one word.

"SANTAAAAA!"

Her declaration broke the spell of stunned silence across the room, causing various students different reactions.

"Santa Claus is here?"

"Please, it must be a bad joke."

"No way! I've gotta see this!"

"Aw crap, I hope he doesn't know about last week…"

"REN! Get the Christmas Pancakes!"

As the students tried to adjust to the wild revelation rocking their world, the wind carried by Ruby's dash cleared the smoke to reveal…

"Well, you're certainly an eager one!" None other than Professor Port, dressed in a Santa suit. Said suit deviated from the traditional red in favor of an odd shade of yellow (1).

Ruby's eagerness died down into confusion and some disappointment. "Um, are you really Santa Claus?" She asked.

"My dear child," the figure gasped, clutching his old heart with a meaty hand, "whatever makes you say that!? Of course I'm Santa Claus!"

"Despite the fact he's carrying an enormous blunder-axe," Blake dryly remarked, noting the massive weapon on 'Santa's' back, still smoking from recent use.

Yang grinned uneasily. "Maybe he just needed to bring something to defend himself?"

Weiss scoffed. "With something so crude? Honestly, what is Professor Port thinking?"

"I'd say he'd be feeling rather sad that you insulted his personal weapon, Ms. Schnee." Weiss blinked before turning to see 'Santa' right in front of her.

"How the hell did you move so fast!?" She screamed, quickly scooting back as far as she could (all of one foot). Blake and Yang were equally startled.

"Well, when you have to deliver presents to millions of good little boys and girls in one night, you have to be pretty fast," Santa boasted. "And to answer your first question, I'd say this," hefting the antiquated weapon into his arms, "is hardly crude. Rustic might be a better term."

Slinging it onto his back, he gave a nod of satisfaction. "Besides, your dear professor was generous enough to let me give it a test drive." 'Santa' turned a bit sheepish. "Though it was rather unfortunate I made it go off by mistake… **without hitting anyone.** "

Most people couldn't tell, but Weiss's skin lost its little color for a deathly pallor. She suddenly felt very unsafe.

Blake was instantly on high alert, having picked up on the last bit. "Excuse me?"

'Santa' snapped to attention, facing the hidden Faunus girl who instantly felt the urge to use her epic ninja skills to escape. "My apologies, Ms. Belladonna. I guess I'm a bit 'under the weather', so to speak. Christmas is a busy time of the year for me. And the fact that there have been so many naughty people this year has left me feeling a little frosty towards others… **like you four.** "

WBY was taken off guard by 'Santa's' sharp remark. But Yang decided to break the ice with laughter. "Ha ha! You said 'frosty'! Heh, good one, Santa."

Like a pancake in the griddle, 'Santa's' mood flipped from Grimm to jolly. "Ho ho ho! I'm glad to hear you can take a joke, Ms. Xiao Long!" The students around WBY began to finally relax. "Not many people can take life in stride for very long, especially not Hunters. So, it's best to enjoy life while you can with the people you love, doing the things that bring you joy."

Instantly, the moving philosophy of Santa melted the hearts of the students, bringing a warm sense of togetherness and joy. Even when they were working hard to become epic monster slayers and paragons of Remnant's continued survival, the brief moment of meeting an esteemed holiday icon was a welcome pick-me-up for their well beings.

Blake found the courage to speak up once more. "Well then, Santa. If it's not too prying, why is your suit yellow? Isn't it usually red?"

'Santa' looked down at his iconic outfit. "Hmmm, yes. Well, I'm afraid I made the mistake of leaving my suit in the reindeer stables while I did my early morning workouts. Those Yetis don't **break their own necks.** "

Seeing her teammate beginning to quiver in fear once again, the spitfire jumped in the only way she knew how. "…W-well, it sounds like you really broke the ice with them, eh?"

"HO HO HO, indeed I did! Unfortunately, by the time I got back to the stables, **dragging their bones through the snow** , I'm afraid my reindeer had…eh, gone about their business making yellow snow **out of fear.** "

Feeling a lot less sunny than usual in the face of an emotionally turbulent Santa, Yang began to scoot back. "Oookay, buddy. Little TMI there…"

"Oh, Santa!" Nora jumped in, literally from her desk. "What did the Yeti bones look like? How did the fight go down? What does the yellow snow taste like!?"

JPR began to feel queasy, resigned, and embarrassed respectively at their hyperactive teammate's bombardment of questions upon the mentally questionable gift bearer.

Giving as warm a smile as 'Santa' could, he replied, "Oh ho, my dear Ms. Valkyrie. If I told you all the details of such a fierce battle, you might not be able to go to sleep for a long time. And if you aren't sleeping, I can't bring you presents **or watch you.** "

Gasping in realization, Nora exclaimed, "You're right! I need to go to sleep so I can get me some Christmas goodies!" She then faced a wary Ren. "Ren! I'm gonna need the sleeping juice!"

Ren gave his partner a flat stare. "We don't have any sleeping juice. Not after the last time." Turning to face the sinister Santa Claus, he continued. "And I think there's something wrong with this Santa."

"Something wrong?" 'Santa' repeated incredulously, facing the stoic teenager. Ren's reputation as the resident stoic of JNPR was being thoroughly tested as he noticed a distinctly sinister glimmer in 'Santa's' eyes. "Perhaps a little drink is what you need…"

From inside the confines of his suit, 'Santa' violated the laws of physics by drawing a massive long-barreled gun with an equally large container attached filled with some kind of liquid.

With no time to react, the zen master was sent flying into the other wall by a blast of warm, creamy liquid.

"RENNY!" Seeing her not-boyfriend groaning in pain against the wall, Nora rushed to his side, cradling his limp body. "Stay with me, Ren! You're a survivor! You're a ninja!" She glanced towards a slightly bemused Blake. "You're our ninja! You're a martial artist with a flair for making the best darned pancakes this side of Vale! And you're-"

Nora paused her epic inspirational rant to sniff her doused comrade. Dragging a finger across Ren's cheek to further inspect the liquid, she then stuck her finger in her mouth before her face erupted into delighted astonishment. "Covered in spiced egg nog!? This is the best present EVER!"

With haste, the sugar-crazed girl then abandoned all civility, licking Ren clean of the Christmas beverage from head to toe very vocally, effectively removing her from the situation.

As Pyrrha blushed furiously at her teammate's behavior, Jaune was desperately thinking of a plan to help his teammates escape the present danger. "Er, uhm, uh, so uh," Jaune's tongue tripped balls for a few seconds before he was struck by inspiration. "So uh, Santa. Mr. Santa Claus? Yeah uh, listen. We," Jaune wrapped his right arm around Pyrrha, whose face became a shade of atomic red upon the contact, "forgot to brush our teeth this morning and we need to take care of that immediately. Right, Pyrrha?"

Quickly catching on (and feeling rather disappointed), the Invincible Girl™ agreed immediately. "Y-yes, Mr. Santa Claus. We were in quite a rush to get ready this morning that-"

The plan was sadly shattered by 'Santa' giving his full attention to the two hopeless romantics. "You forgot to brush your teeth?" Of all the things he heard today, this was by far the most earth-shattering. "You two, what you have done is **unforgiveable.** For you to have done this," his face then lost all sense of joy and merriment, revealing a twisted look of insanity and madness, " **you just made… the NAUGHTY LIST!** " The Mad Santa declared in a rumbling baritone of solemnness, finalizing his full transition to insanity with his bushy mustache gaining a more frazzled appearance.

Jaune sputtered as the shock of the Mad Santa coming into existence and the fact that he shamed himself in front of someone more authoritative than Professor Goodwitch or his mom made his tactical knowledge blue screen. "N-n-n-n-n NAUGHTY LIST!? Th-that can't be right! It can't be!" Facing his partner with blue eyes of desperation, he pleaded his case, "Pyrrha, he's got it all wrong! I'm a good boy! Right? And you're a good girl! Right!?"

As Jaune continued to babble on in increasingly higher tones, The Mad Santa gave reality the middle finger once again by bringing out another oversized firearm in festive red and white colors, its ammo cartridge another giant vial containing strange liquids.

" **Luckily for you two, I'm feeling generous today. So, you don't have to worry about your rancid breath for long.** " With the squeeze of a trigger, the two students were plastered against the back wall in a green liquid reeking of minty essence.

Casually blowing the tip of his gun, The Mad Santa holstered it in Oum-knows-where before giving a chilling reprisal of his opening declaration.

" **HO HO HO! MERRY CHRISTMAS!** "

The Mad Santa began to laugh uproariously in maniacal fashion as lightning boomed outside, flashing across the windows while the winds of winter whipped up a furious snowstorm. The students were then whipped up into a panicked frenzy, screaming like crazy and running for the hills, their dorms, Professor Goodwitch, or any safe have they could reach.

Or they would have if the broken wall hadn't been an invitation for some freaky as hell Reindeer Grimm and what appeared to be Yetis, given their huge stocky frames, all bristling with black fur and razor sharp fangs.

All the while, Team RWBY sprang into action as best they could to aid their fellow students in the oncoming melee while Team JNPR was rendered inactive due to eggnog concussions (Ren), an unhealthy obsession with sugary drinks in lecherous fashion (Nora), or an improper usage of spearmint-flavored mothwash (Jaune and Pyrrha).

It was a dark day for Beacon Academy, for this day signified the loss of a beloved teacher and the rise of a horrifying villain that may have even put the Queen of the Grimm to shame.

Remnant trembled in fear as the news of The Mad Santa began to spread everywhere.

It truly was anything but a holly, jolly Christmas.

OOOOO

Dexter stared off in the direction of the increasingly ravaged academy, pinching the space between his eyes in frustration.

"Damn it, Peter," he grumbled as the old man made his way to prep for his emergency services job. Beacon was going to need one serious cleanup crew.

OOOOO

Ozpin sipped from his coffee mug with a serious frown, watching the chaos unfold from a miraculously intact security camera. Glynda was by his side with a look of horror and incredulity, still coming to terms that the good natured Peter Port had devolved into such a being.

"Ozpin, we need to rescue the students immediately," Glynda replied, brandishing her riding crop.

Nodding, Ozpin noted, "The other teachers are on their way. While saving the children is a priority, we'll need to address the roots of the issue, namely Peter's change of personality."

Eyes beginning to twinkle in amusement, Ozpin made his suggestion. "Perhaps we can tide his rage with a Mrs. Claus?"

The blonde professor stared in abject horror before her face contorted in uncharacteristically unbridled fury, attempting to bring unspeakable pain upon the enigma that was her boss.

Truly, it seemed that the madness left over from the Mad King's Christmas outfit was already beginning to spread…

 _ **END…?**_

 **The outfit design was based on one of Ryan Haywood's characters for a Let's Play of Gang Beasts. He declared himself as 'Piss-Santa'. For his sake, please watch that episode of Gang Beasts. It's hilarious.**

 **Well, it's a bit after the Christmas deadline, but I think it's close enough to fit. Who knows? Maybe there'll be another moment involving the Mad Santa. Please read and review. And as always, keep on shining and Happy Holidays!**

 **-BrightNova169**


End file.
